out of control

Over 4 years ago I started using weight watchers to lose weight and it seems like ever since, I have struggled to keep it off.  I've done weight watchers several times and it works.  I just fall off the wagon and give up.

I have let stress rule over me and dictate my food decisions.  I know it's not the right thing to do.  I know it at the time, but it doesn't stop me.

When I lost my job in March, I lost about 5 pounds because I wasn't stressed and wasn't eating out of anger or annoyance anymore.  It was awesome.  Then I took on this new position, and got comfy, and stopped thinking about what I was eating once again.  This time it's not out of stress or anger, but out of boredom and fear of the unknown since this is, afterall, a temp job.  (it could turn permanent after about 8 months, but who wants to temp for 8 months?!)  I've also been stressed about all these opportunities in Atlanta and juggling it all.

I know these are all excuses.  It's old ways and I hate to say it, but I can't help it.  It's like a sickness.  I am having to retrain my brain to think different about food.  It's very hard to do.

Last Friday, 6/15/12, I stepped on the scale and it said 219.4.  It has taken a long time for me to be honest and tell people how much I weigh, but I am comfortable in my skin and have no qualms with admitting this.  So that number...219.4... it doesn't make me happy at all.  It's almost 220.  My highest weight ever was 226 and that's not a good thing.  I can't get back there.

I am now using MyFitnessPal to track my food and exercise.  I have been a member of that site for over 2 years, but I am now finding myself getting more involved.  I am posting on the forums there and seeking advice and motivation from others.  They might be total strangers, but we are all fighting the same fight.  So far it is helping me tremendously.

Since last Friday, I have lost almost 4 pounds.  I know it's water weight, but it's a start.  I am now at 215.8. 

I shake my head when I think about how I got to 155 about 8 years ago and how I let emotions get the best of me.  Emotions are a strong thing, but this time I am determined to work through them and keep the weight off.

ps- still no word yet, but I'm hopeful on the job front.  1 more, possibly 2 more interviews on this Friday in Atlanta.  Whew, this is exhausting.